D-Day (Diagnosis Day)featured

Okay, just like many of you out there……I absolutely HATE math. But this is one formula I urge you all to remember: Private room after a colonoscopy + An offer for a warm blanket = Bad news.

The day was December 14th, 2017 and I was having my first colonoscopy at the young age of 45.

While I was trying to play it off as no big deal…. in the pit of my stomach I knew that this may not end well. It was that sixth sense or natural inborn intuition kicking in that was giving me that “feeling”.

Anyway, I arrived at the outpatient surgical center in Hillsborough, NJ at 2:30 pm where my Gastroenterologist was located, and waited for my name to be called. My father, mother and brother all came with me, so it was quite a family affair.

I waited about 20 minutes (the longest of my life) and finally it was my turn to go in. I was taken to a small room for pre-procedure evaluation where they took my temperature and other vitals, plus a urine sample. Afterwards, I changed into a hospital gown. I was asked to take off my pants and underwear, but got to keep on my sports bra.  The nurse then walked me into a surgical suite where I got to see my doctor……behind his surgical mask.  It was all very surreal and I was starting to feel a bit foggy. I have never had a surgery before, so I felt like I was in a bad dream.

I got up on the operating table and laid on my left side. The antesthesiologist introduced herself to me, and I confirmed that they would not be using the drug Propofol on me because I could not tolerate soy, and this anesthetic had soy in it. She knew that…..so they inserted the IV into my arm, and I drifted away into LaLa Land in about 30 seconds.

My next memory was slowly opening my eyes in a curtained off post-procedure room, with a nurse checking in on me every few minutes. As I came back to reality, she let me rest a few minutes, then asked me to get dressed and meet her just outside the curtain my bed was hiding behind.

As I dressed, I started to hear other patients right next to me get their results immediately. “Hey……everything looks good” one person was told. “No problems, everything is fine” was the news for someone else. But hey……what about ME??? Where is my good news, or words of encouragement? Nobody said a word to me.

THAT is the moment I realized I was facing a different outcome.

I met the nurse just on the other side of my curtain, and she took my arm and led me to a small private room. “Have a seat, the doctor will be here in a minute” she said. “Would you like a warm blanket”? I said sure….why not.  She came back and wrapped me up really well, when my doctor walked in.

“We found a mass, and we couldn’t finish the procedure because the scope could not fit past it.  Do you want to see the images from the procedure” he said?

“Sure, why not” I replied.

He showed me the mass and it looked big and ugly……but the words CANCER did not come out of his mouth !!!!

I was completely in a fog, but cool as a cucumber.

He then suggested to me that I need to get another CT Scan ASAP (this time with contrast to see if the cancer had spread in my body), and see a surgeon as soon as possible. He had the name of someone he could refer me to and he could call him right now if I wanted. I said……”sure, why not“.

The next thing I knew, I had an appointment at 8:30 am the next morning with this surgeon.

The doctor asked me “Do you have any more questions”? I said…..”are you sure this is cancer”? He replied “We won’t know until the biopsy for sure……but I’ve been doing this a long time and yes it is”.

Great, my biggest fear just came true. I finally heard the word CANCER come out of his mouth.

I didn’t start to cry until the doctor gave me a hug and said “You are young and in good health…..good luck”.

WOW……so that’s it, huh? Just like that I’ve now joined the fastest growing club in the world, the Cancer Club.

I was stunned, scared, and just shut myself off at that point.

I went to the bathroom and washed away my tears, and went out to get my family who were in the waiting room so we could leave.

I decided not to tell them yet. I needed time to process this myself….at least for one day.

My life had just completely changed in the blink of an eye.

It would NEVER be the same again.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”. – Buddha