My Experience Meeting a Surgeon (alone) 16 Hours After My Cancer Diagnosisfeatured

Just imagine being hit by a bus…….then being asked to get up, shake it off, and run a marathon right after.  Pretty crazy and unbelievable, right?

Well, that is EXACTLY how I felt about meeting the colorectal surgeon my Gastroenterologist pulled strings for me to get an appointment with only a mere 16 hours after I was given the biggest shock of my life.  I was being squeezed in on a Friday morning between his surgeries, so this was clearly a favor.

All night I tossed and turned, trying to make sense of the news I just received.  And all the while….I was not 100% sure I was going to keep this appointment. Everything felt out of control and was moving way too fast.

“I could just say that I’ve had a change of plans, or I could reschedule for a later time, or I could just not show up” ….these were the thoughts running through my head.

I calculated that I would need to wake up at 6:30 am to get ready in order to drive to the hospital and arrive by 8:00 (I was asked to arrive early to fill in paperwork).  So when the clock struck 6:30, I decided to get up and go.  I figured it would be beneficial to talk to an “expert” and learn more about what I was facing. I would just use this time to gather information, and hopefully nobody would be taking any knives out just yet.

I was exhausted from not sleeping a wink, but managed to drive myself to the hospital on time.  Of course, I was sobbing the ENTIRE 40 minute drive.

It was December 15th, and absolutely freezing outside. I wandered through the cold sterile hospital hallways and finally found the office.

I walked in, and with tears in my eyes I told them my name and that I was here to see Dr. X.  I felt like I was in the twilight zone and couldn’t exactly process the words coming out of my mouth.

Of course, I had to fill in the usual paperwork (who can concentrate on this????), and when I finished I was called and taken into an exam room.

A nurse came in to take my temperature and vitals (something you will get VERY used to if you have a serious illness), and then the surgeon stepped in.

“Hi, my name is Dr. X, how are you doing today?” he said.  With my sarcastic self still alive and kicking somewhere deep down inside, I replied “Um, I’ve been better……thanks”.

He listened to my heart rate and commented that I was obviously very stressed out. “Um…….yeah, hellooooo” was my reply. Could this guy be for real? I was just diagnosed 16 hours ago.

We discussed how this all started, the conclusion from the colonoscopy I just had the day before, and then he asked me to get undressed from the waist down for a rectal exam. I was not prepared for that, but hey…….what the hell (another thing that a rectal cancer patient needs to get VERY used to).

He examined me manually with his hand first (Ouch), then with a scope (Double Ouch). He even asked me to look up and see the tumor on the TV screen in front of us.

That was my first glimpse of THE BEAST. There it was……the thing that could potentially kill me.

After the exam, he called me into his office to discuss what he saw and his thoughts of next steps.

Being an auditor by profession, I immediately informed him that I’d be taking notes during our talk and I’d appreciate if he could draw or write out what he was explaining to me so I could have a record of it.  He did (see the diagram he drew for me above).

My main question for him was……….could he tell what stage I was in?

He was actually very helpful, and slowly explained to me how staging of rectal cancer works, and that it is made up of two factors: overall cancer presence in the body outside of the tumor location, then locally within the rectum/lymph nodes.

Through some heavenly miracle, I was able to keep focused on our discussion and comprehend what he was saying.

However, the news was not great…..he said he’d put me between stage 3 and 4. 🙁 This was worse than I thought.

He then explained that the protocol to treat this is chemo/radiation, a break, more chemo, then surgery many weeks later.

Being the type of person who generally HATES conventional medicine, I quickly informed him that I really didn’t WANT chemo, and was hesitant to go this route.  He of course didn’t let me finish my thoughts really and suggested I meet with his oncology partner at the hospital. He just RAVED about how wonderful Dr. S was and that she could put me at ease. I half heartedly agreed, so he said he would contact her for an appointment.

He then wrote a prescription for me to also get a rectal MRI with and without contrast ASAP. This would help him see in better detail how much the tumor had infiltrated the surrounding area and lymph nodes, and give him a more accurate estimate of staging.

As I was walking out the door, I started to cry. It was all getting to be too much for me. He put his hand on my shoulder and said “Hang in there”. I thought to myself……easy for YOU to say.

***

As I write this post and reflect back on that day, I am extremely proud of myself for keeping the appointment and keeping my wits about me during this whole meeting so fresh and soon after diagnosis. Was it difficult? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes.

I think getting the ball rolling quickly so that you can have as much information as possible with real tangible data is really important.

BUT…….on the other hand I caution anyone facing a cancer diagnosis to NOT let the doctors push you into doing anything too fast (meetings, tests, surgeries, etc). If you don’t feel ready, DON’T DO IT. YOU are in charge, so YOU set the pace. Remember that please.

They put the fear of GOD in you, but chances are you will NOT die in the next few weeks ( I even used that line on a very pushy doctor’s office…which I’ll tell you about in another post).  So give yourself time to breathe, research, regroup, and think about what you want out of your treatment and what is most important for you.

These are all lessons I have learned the hard way and will dive more deeply into on future posts.